Mean Streets of Brunswich

 

 

Some days I really wish I could just shut my brain off. Its these days that make the weight of the world seem almost unbearable. And why? Because im unfulfilled in my life. I want to be, but im not. Someone told me today, “Sean, your problem is you need to make everyone happy.” Naturally, I disagreed and made some sort of excuse as to why I didn’t. The reality of it all is that I really do. In every sense of the word I do. And with that I spread myself too thin among a lot of my friends. I wish it weren’t so but that’s just how it is. It’s a daily struggle to manage my time enough to fit in everyone that needs it, along with get in those people that I want in there. It leaves little time for myself where im not compulsively checking my phone or responding to something on social media/email. I made a promise to myself this morning that I was going to do one thing that I really wanted to do today. Whether with someone or by myself, it was going to happen. I went to Hogs with my roommate, had a really good dinner, and came home. I needed it. It’s the little things like that which allow me to keep some shred of sanity. As I sit and think about all of this the best part of it was the actual food. I had some chicken fingers and the brunswich stew. (if you haven’t tried it then stop what youre doing and go get this stew. Its good.) Someone about eating these two things really put me at ease for a minute. With the passing of my grandmother this morning and the crash and burn of my love life, food is going to play a more central role and calming me down and putting me in my place. It got me thinking about something after that, What is the ultimate comfort food??.. Its something that I want to discover and will hopefully be able to share with all of you in the upcoming however long it takes. I want this to be something that benefits not only myself but all of those that like to drown their sorrows in a tub of ben and jerrys, or in that large pizza from papa johns. And at the very least, I want to entertain you and let you watch me grown back in to the sassy scoundrel that you know and most of you love. Ill do my best to not bash any exes or get too far off the beaten path, but I make no promises. Tomorrow is a new day and with it we’re all going to learn something.

Under the influence

Ive trying to pin down the root of my culinary drought. I wish I could blame it on lack of scheduling or my woes outside of the restaurant, but in reality it comes down to just one simple thing: I got lazy. Returning from the Navy where my life was structured and set, the idea of the pirate chef lifestyle was more than inciting anything I could possibly imagine. Much to my dismay it was so when I returned and this was not the case. It affected my attitude and the way I rolled. Sushi used to be an extension of me and over time that just disappeared. Last Saturday, I had a good day. I rolled well, got everything done I needed to, and felt like, for that brief time, that I was master of my domain again. Do I need that everytime? Absolutely not. But its like being with someone who makes your life hell most of the time, but that one time they make you feel special makes up for everything. The world is back in rotation. Well, my world is back in rotation. And with this ive felt a small spark of inspiration. Even little sparks can create a wild fire. Thats what makes these times in my life so exciting.

Not just some stray dog

I love sleep. The world seen through a sepia colored filter. Anything is possible, good or bad. Last night I had a dream I was sitting on a porch, staring out at the sun setting, drinking a glass of whiskey. My lady friend was inside, sitting at the small, pale blue dinner table we owned with some friends. It looked like old drift wood that was painted in the 70s. My feet were propped up on the railing and I felt at ease. Its those small moments in life that make the chaos just seem alright. The sun would set and i'd grab my lady and we'd sit on the couch and she'd put her head on my shoulder then....id wake up. Lying on my stomach, staring at my seafoam green wall is some sort of rude awakening. I really love those dreams. Its like a sign that things can always be better.

I took August off, and all I got was this lousy shirt

August has been....a whirlwind. Ive made some very big life choices and have pretty much thrown the original plan out the damn window. Im going to do real college things in hope of getting some sort of job in the computer science field. Do I still love to cook? Yes, of course. In the long run, this will be the better choice for my body. Its already kind of wrecked so I need to start taking care of it. Which also includes my diet. I cutting out the worst fast foods (Mcdonalds, Taco bell, and so on...Not firehouse. Not yet) with hopes of completely being done with it. I should be starting school soonish and Ill get this whole ball rolling. This will give me more time for writing, studying on things I like, and hopefully a little more free time in general. Soooo, hopefully ill be on here a little bit more and actually doing something productive with my life. Speaking of that, I met someone special recently (well, a while ago, but whatever). Anyways, im trying my damndest not mess it up. Its rare that I actually catch the feels for someone so this should be interesting.

Next on the agenda for me: College. Now, I pretty much lived a college lifestyle for the last...8 to 10 years of my life with not much in the way of an education to show for it. Its time to change that. Im going to apply my stellar work eithic and "holy shit, I really have to get this done" attitude and hopefully make some needed changes. Also, next month at some point, ill be doing the Beers around the world challenge at Epcot. Annnnd, im going to record them on video so everyone can see my progressive slide in to "White girl wastedism". Its all for science folks. Dont judge me.

Im also going to start some writing exercises to become less of a shitty, random writer and have more of a coherent blog that wont be as all over the place as some of these tend to get. This is all coming soon people so just hang on to your butts. 

You know what to do

There are a thousand words I could use to describe my New York trip, but I don't feel like any of them would do this city justice. Stepping off the airplane two days ago left me in a sort of jaded haze. Within the first hour we were sitting in a trendy little place for brunch. I had a local beer that was nothing short of spectacular and a sandwich that wasn't. ( but it was on the right track...) Then, we walked, rode the train, and had emerged in the hustle and bustle of New York City. The Big Apple. The center of the universe. Thousands of people were doing thousands of things as we walked towards where our friends were. Like Alanis morriset walking around name by herself, while the rest of the world continued on in her thank you video, the world just kinda slipped by as we strolled. It was beautiful. New York is a city of roughly 8.5 million people, all of whom were more than content to live there life while ignoring a tall, lanky ginger walking around with his best friend. It was refreshing. In New York, I'm no one. Which instantly makes me want to be someone. It's inspiration. Later we ate at a small little Thai place. ---small note--- 98% of the time I had no idea where the hell I was. So names will be missing of areas ---end note--- killer Thai food at some place that probably won't be open more than 5 years at most. Why? Because there's always the bigger fish out there. We met up with an old friend and his boyfriend and headed up to Roosevelt island. Right then, on the banks of the Hudson, I decided that yes, I was 100% moving to New York. We took the tramway (not gondola, thanks Melissa haha) back into the bustle of the city. More wandering. I told Melissa that I just liked to look up at the buildings and in the shops, just to live in that moment. That's how I am. That's who I am. It's moments like those that inspire me. We went to see a movie and then made it back to Hoboken after hours of sitting in traffic. The next morning, we did brunch. Bloody Mary's and mimosas at a restaurant next to the park. Then a Guinness at a little pub close to the train station. We made our way across town to a little ramen joint name momofuku. I'd only heard about this from a coworker, but fully trusted his judgement on excellent food. They did not disappoint. Full and happy, we wandered on down to a (one of many) consignment shops on our way. Everyone seemed to have some little gem in them. I practiced restraint and only bought a hat haha. We then made our way to Time Square and it was insane as I imagined. Thousands walking around, crowded in front of street performers and artists, snapping photos of buildings they don't know the name of, just because that's what everyone else was doing. New York is intoxicating in every sense of the word. I wanted to breath every single second of that beautiful city in. We finished the night we pizza and then hopped back on the train. Hoboken has a wonderful waterfront park that did it's best to provide a beautiful view while allow enough space to sprawl out in the grass and just be. Something we all need to do from time to time. I can only hope my next trip to that city is as inspiring as this last one. Positive energy is the name of the game right now. I need it. We all need it.

Self realization sponsored by: Black and Tans

Back a few blog posts ago, I wrote about the moment that I really knew that the service industry was for me. Ive had a change of heart. Before I couldnt recall an exact moment. Thats because it hadnt happened yet. Im not sure if its happened now, but ill share a little insight I received the other day. I started back at Harbor Docks over the summer, and pretty much 5 to 6 days a week, we go out there and make this delicious sushi for hundreds of people who a.) Know nothing about what we're serving or b.) Dont care. This frustrates me. I want people to appreciate what I do. What ive, and the rest of us for that matter, have worked years to hone and perfect our skill. For the first month I would sit and just wonder how these people could sit there and really not know or understand what they're eating. The history of something so wonderful, only few of us in this world are blessed to be able to know how to deliver. It really did bother me. I began to drink alot more. I started to question my life choices up to the point. Id hit a low point in a matter of a month. One day I was just sitting in the shower, wondering how bad my body would ache from the beating I was about to receive. From that day I started to search for my purpose in this business. Culinary business in general. Ive always wanted to be a writer so I though about hanging up the old chef coat and trading it in for a laptop. That brings us to now. Talking to one of my friends this evening, she was asking me about the past few days at work. I was telling her about some customers I had on Friday. They were from Atlanta or something and knew Yoshie pretty well. Naturally, she would wander in to make sure I was taking proper care, like a den mother watching over her cubs as the hunt. I did my best to treat them the same way i'd want to be treated at a sushi bar, with respect. And they reciprocated. One girl in the group asked for something she'd had at Nobu in -insert random big city-. 95% of the time this pisses me off. Today was the 5%. It was thin slices of Yellowtail (In the jack family. Light, oily, delicious) with thin slices of jalapenos, covered in ponzu sauce. Easy day. I made it. They loved it. They left our restaurant happy and full. At that moment, I had this overwhelming sense of pride im my work. That little reminder of why im doing this. Its what makes me want to continue on down the culinary path and ultimately towards chefdom. Anyways, that was just a little thought ive been keeping inside for a couple of days. This friday I head to New York City to visit my bestest of friends and check out my possible future stomping grounds. We'll see how it goes.....

Thats no way to go, Franco UnAmerican

My life is just insane sometimes. Ill skip going into detail, but its just nuts. June was pretty intense for me. I want to tell you that ive been totally happy and everything is peachy, but it hasnt been. I feel so much slower now (in terms of rolling sushi) than I was before. I know ive been out of it for a long time but I hold myself to a higher standard now that I did before. Its just overwhelming frustration. Its that feeling that I cant do it anymore. I know I can, but its still something thats in the back of my mind. But I do feel like ive been more creative since ive back. More willing to trying to try some silly shit to let people get the most bang for their buck. Ive been privately working on some new things myself so if I get enough good feedback ill let the world get some. Thats pretty much it for right now. im going to start taking more pictures so you guys can see some of the chaos that is my life. Oh and im going to New York next week so pictures will follow. Love you, mean it.