You cant force them to like ya

On my lunch break today, I started to watch this interview Larry King did in 2010 for George Washington University. Magically this has inspired me. I had been feeling really down about my future choice in careers. Do I feel like I can get some big following by just writing or speaking? Yes. Do I still have a big fear of public speaking? Yes. Sometimes it holds me back. I just need to write. I need to do it. I stop sometimes because I feel like I have nothing to say. What I really should do is just chronicle some of the interesting things that have happened to me over the years. Im by no means a fresh spring chicken, but I feel like its hard to dig deep down and pull out a story that everyone will be interested in hearing. With my current goal of trying to go back to college well into play, I need to step up my game a little bit. People wont believe that Im this awesome writer/ orator just on hopes and wishes alone. I need to really get back on it.

Day 1: Here we go....

I wanna have control

Ive spent the lesser part of a year out to sea, deployed to the Persian Gulf. Day in and day out for almost 9 months I did the exact same thing everyday,  spending what precious little free time I had either a.) in my bed or b.) trying to do something fun to quell my boredom/loneliness. Now for the first few months, I wasn’t really lonely. Well, sort of. I was with this girl on board who I was totally smitten with (for no apparent reason) and tried to spend whatever time I could with her. Unfortunately for me, she didn’t really give a shit and we never really hung out, but that’s a different story for a different time. Anyways, in my time of reflection, Ive tried to sit here and piece together the broken puzzle that is my life. Am I happy doing this? Why did I bother to date that girl knowing she would just be a big fucking slut and move on? Should I really worry about what all these people on this little boat think about me and my life choices? All of it seems kind of silly. Little known fact, Im extremely self-conscience about a lot of things. What people think is one of them. Does that really stop me from doing anything? Yes, all the time, other days I just don’t care. Fear keeps people from doing a lot of things they should do in their lives. I don’t want to live like that anymore.

It led me to my next big realization: I *was* depressed. I tried to fill that void left by Elizabeth by doing just random shit around the boat or watching movies or whatever. But when you’re trapped in 505ft of metal having to see the same person who ripped out your heart with no care, it gets to you. Everytime we’d hit port id hit the bottle extra hard in hopes that, even if just for one night, I could forget about that devil woman and be somewhat normal. What brought me out of it? That’s for me to know, but just know that if I didn’t have such great friends then I would never have made it through.

In about two months ill be taking my first ever trip to New York City. The thought of traveling to such a large city gives me the chills sometimes. I wasn’t raised in a big city so trying to work my way through them is quite the task. Even in Tokyo, a city that I studied meticulously beforehand, was a bit much for me. Luckily for me I have my little duck and all her friends there. I told her I wanted to see *her* NYC, not the TV one. It cool to go and see all the touristy places, wait in line forever to stand at the top of the statue of liberty and all that, but its not what I want. I want to go to the local restaurants and go into a food coma. Things like that. Given the chance I want to live like a new Yorker, if only for a few days.

More to come. Stay tuned

Same glass curtain Im hiding behind.

Long time no see world.

Ive missed you.

A lot has happened in the months since ive left for deployment.

I wont spend this time to sit here and bad mouth someone that treated me
like dirt, cause wheres the fun in that?
This is going to be about my future, because I need to keep my head forward and focused
on something that wouldnt have even included that person anyways.

I had a dream the other night that I was laying down in the store room of some kitchen in NYC. All i could think about was "what the hell am i going to serve for dinner?"
Staring at the ceiling, it all began to come to me. Roast duck with a maple demi-glaze, red potatoes roasted in the juices from the duck. Some sort of asparagus, most likely broiled with olive oil and rosemary, served with a mini baggett. When i woke up from this dream I about lost my damn mind. I was so hungry (for actual food and..) to be back in the kitchen. Like a distant lover calling in the night, I feel like i need to answer this call.
It started to make me think. I really do fit this kind of loner, vagabond image of a chef. Not outwardly, but in personality and social deficiency.
My natural distrust of people seems to fade away when im behind a grill, or rolling sushi for that matter.
If I could be cooking right now I wouldnt be such the wreck that I am right now.
Or better yet, I would be inspired to create something so ridiculous that it would catch on and be a smash hit. (I.E. the "Willy" roll for those of you that ive made sushi for)
It also helps me work things out.
Which I need right now.
Stupid girls.


Anywho, ill keep this sweet and simple.
Yes, im fine.
I feel off the horse for a minute, but im good.

My 9/11 post....on the 12th.

11 years ago yesterday, The world changed.
I can remember it like it was yesterday. Like a lot of people in my school,
we watched the second plane hit on TV. I remember a girl in my chemistry class,
I wont name names, sitting behind me just screaming. Crying. Other
students around sitting with their heads in their hands. Another person
kept saying "a missile hit it, a missile hit it". At that moment, even after
seeing a commercial airliner, filled with people like you and I,
smash into the side of this building,  none of us could
rationalize it in our minds. Fire erupting from the otherside of the tower,
just kinda making you feel this strange emptiness inside.
By the time I really let it sink in that a plane had been used as a
weapon against us the first tower began to fall. All I can remember
is feeling sick to my stomach. Two sky scrapers, that before that day in time,
really meant nothing to me. But I saw it happening and it was almost
as if you could feel all of those people passing. Like when obi wan felt
Alderaan being destroyed in A New Hope, I felt the disturbance
in the force. The rest of the day was a blur. Though I do remember walking
through the mall like I usually do and almost every store was closed.
Such an erie feeling. Everything stopped that day. I remember coming home and
watching the news with my family. All of us piled on the bed, just watching.
They had a picture of the Empire State building on ABC and were talking,
rationalizing what had just happened to us.

Years pass by....

Im in the sushi bar at Harbor Docks, maybe a month out from joining the military. Its
lunch time and there a lady sitting at my bar talking to me about my life and
joining the armed forces and all that. The she asked me if I was joining because of 9/11.
I told her no, then she proceeded to tell me about what she was doing on that day.
And how she felt about it. Then she asked me what my first thought was when
all of this happened. I sat and thought about it for a second...
Then I realized it.
It was fear...
As Americans we're have the beautiful disposition to have two oceans to our east and west,
effectively "keeping out the bad guys".
That day brought out a weakness in us. And showed the world that no one  is immune to attack.
Not even our great country ('MERICA!)
Anyways, to keep this from getting out of hand and turning into a giant sob story,
I realized that Id be afraid all these years.
And that ignoring something so powerful in human history kept me
from really coming to terms with it.
Now, 11 years later, I really feel like I can put it behind me.


ps, with deployment coming up soon ill have one more post. It'll be a good one. Haiiiii

Im just saying it fine by meee

If youve never heard this song before than youre missing out....

Secret wars and other silly things...

Sam Jackson for no reason..


Have you ever been in a battle with someone and didnt know it?
A secret war of words only noticeable by a passing glance or lack there of?
This afternoon I realized I was in one.
I wont say with whom or for what reason,
but it hit me in the face like a sack of potatoes.
To be honest, It doesnt bother me as much as it should
Ive competed over girls before.
Its really no big deal.
Im not the best looking dude in the world,
but Im good enough.
Its just strange when you realize that the person that you work with
secretly has it out for you.
Wars of words being waged on his behalf.
An unknown number on his "team"
For some reason im not worried.
Im not sweating it
and im not talking shit.
It feels good.
Usually I go for the throat,
dig up some dirt
to make him look as bad as possible.
I dont need that.
Not to say she isnt worth it,
cause she definitely is.
100 percent.
I just feel like I dont need that this time.
I'll refrain from using my powers for evil.
Information can be your best friend or your worst enemy,
and im an evil man...

Lessons learned and more random things...

Finally, Sean Burch has come back to writing....again

Life has been interesting to say the least. Ive learned somethings and grown as a human being...maybe.
First off. Football is upon us again, which means I drink alot more beer and eat nachos when I can. My search for a football spot is underway. I love football with all my little black heart so Im glad to be able to watch it, even if its only for a month.
Speaking of that. Deployment is right around the corner. Its going to be a long one people. One of those ones that would be made easier with the love and support of each and every one of you fine people in internet land. Ill put my address out so that you may send me cookies and ill try and send random crap from the places ive been. After this deployment ill have less than a year left in our fine Navy, so you know what that means! You probably don't. It means ill return to civilian life more critical of our government but more appreciative of what the military actually does for this country. Its easy to criticize people that are ordered to go into a hostile land and kill bad guys. Its frustrating to say the least.

Next....I decided to take a hike today (literally). I needed to clear my mind of the clouds and be one with nature (and all that shit). As soon as I parked my car in the small parking lot at the bottom of the path, a man came over to ask me about my jeep. We chit chatted for a while and he thanked me for my service and we went our separate ways. People like that never fail to put a smile on my face. Anyways, the earphones went in and I was off. Trees taller than most buildings ive been in, green as far as the eye can see, and a muddy trail begged me to venture onward like a love lying in wait. Step after step led me farther and farther away from my woes. Deeper into the canopy of trees brought a feeling of peace I haven't had in a long time. My mind rarely crossed over to her as a journeyed on. I felt the urge to venture off the beaten path for a while, climbing rocks, slipping down the mud (yeah, I ended up messy) and trekking through streams. Then....the rain. Hitting the trees caused it to come down on my head like a symphony of that can be beautiful outside of our everyday lives. I put my hands up into the air and just laughed (im pretty sure I looked crazy, but who cares?) I was a peace.
After my jungle experience I came back to pearl for some food and a shower (which never happened).
The beach happened afterwards but that was nothing special.

Backtrack to yesterday. for some reason I decided to look up a review on my favorite sushi place. Most were average at best. Now, I usually enjoy everything I get from this place. After seeing this I decided to get some to proved these assholes online that they didnt know what they were talking about. Drove there, listening to Wiz, feeling gangster as hell. Get there, get a table and order. Its business time. Then its happened. I started to notice all the things that people were picking out in their reviews. When I got my food I only ate about half of it before I had to call it quits. What had happen? HOW could this happen? Was I losing my touch on sushi? No, Id just been tainted with someone elses opinion. A major component of enjoying any food is your perception on how its going in. If you go in looking for problems then it really wont be anything special. And thats what I did. And I had a less than stellar experience, which is what I expect from every place I eat.

Hopefully before I leave I can tell you about how I almost got killed last underway. Its filled with magic and laughs. (not really, it is pretty interesting though)

Until then, Farewell