And here...we....go...

"What the hell is going on?...."


                 Thats about the best way I can describe how im feeling right now. Just lost, plain and simple. Its not plain, or simple for that matter, but thats what it is. A sweeping feeling of being lost. But outside of the scope of my work life. I think its just that time of year. Im always stressed around Christmas time. This year is no exception. Going into debt is not my ideal christmas situation. Im back in the green again (so to speak) but its hard for me not to spend my money anyways. I felt like i was being dragged through the mud by life. Ive experienced that feeling a few times in my life and I can say its not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Speaking of that, i decided to text one of my exs today just to see how things were/what she was doing for the holidays. Bad idea, i was brought back to that not so pleasant time of my life. I dont really talk much about it because i try to forget it sometimes. Id been beaten and degraded out in BR and worked my ass off to never have it happen again. Enough of that rant though. Ive learned my lesson (no, i didnt) and ill steer clear of that. a week from today i go home. I have so many people to see and not enough time im afraid. Its a shame but i know who i "need" to see.
Its a Radiohead day. im enjoying this

She's got nasty blisters from the money she spends...

Im picky.....
with just about everything. Mainly dating though. My choice of woman is one in a million. Smart, but not too smart. Funny, but in a corny sort of way. Beautiful, but humble. Take cares of herself, but still likes a cheeseburger or two. Someone who is aware of the world around her and the world in which she lives. Someone who is always wanting to learn and not willing to accept the norm. And id like her for Christmas....thank you.....


Anyways, like usual, ive been back and forth about writing as of late. I have alot to say, but sometimes i feel overwhelmed by the possibility of bringing up these thoughts and feelings and sharing them with the world. Id planned on deleting my Facebook and any other social media medium i had in an attempt to "be one with myself". Cause after all, how can you express your feelings if youre not completely comfortable with them? AMIRITE???(lol, internet jokes)
But then i thought......those pure, raw emotions can make the most interesting stories, and hopefully provide some entertainment for you.
For instance, my grandfather passing away.
Naturally i was sad, i even cried. But it felt like something larger than the death of a family member. It was a reminder that, "hey, youre alive dude." Not in a "oh im alive, hes not." sort of thing. Ive felt so disconnected from reality that i wasnt really feeling anything. And that day, I came back. despite it being a horrible feeling, i felt something. Things are slowly coming into perspective. And that is the most rewarding feeling ive had in a while.
So, im curious how everyone else is doing? let me know here or on Facebook. lets communicate

I can paint a picture with a pen....

My intention on my fabled "trip home" was to show the readers at home a picture of the slice of sushi heaven i used to be part of. Pictures of my work, the area and a small picture of my life before the Navy....

 

In reality, it didnt go quite as planned....

Imagine it like that scene in Snatch where Benico del Toro is gambling away all his money with the Viva Los Vegas music in the background. Thats what it was like

Just a blur. 

Now, i did actually retain somethings from that trip. I was given the privilege to roll sushi again at my old stomping grounds. 

Harbor Docks is a small restaurant with a big reputation.

Situated on the Destin Harbor, its grown from a tiny little seafood shack, to a full blow seafood/Japanese restaurant. At Harbor Docks, is where i learned the magical trade of the sushi chef. Harbor Docks is home to the legend herself, Yoshie. 

Yo taught me everything i know about sushi. she also helped to mold me into the strapping young lad that i am today. She knew when to give me instruction and when to let me try on my own. 

She knew when to scold me when i did something wrong and when to let me do what i want.

I owe her for my interest in japanese cuisine and my better understanding of the japanese culture....(and of broken english haha)

I was able to put this bad boy together in my sushi time back home. 

Ive been spoiled at Harbor Docks.

Amazing fish..

Insane coworkers...

and a solid customer base that would

constantly keep my on my toes and my wallet filled to the brim. 

Its where my heart is....

and they always say "home is where the heart is...."

And now for something completely different....

Ive been reading a book titled "Beaten, Seared, and Sauced" by Jonathan Dixon. Its about one mans journey through the Culinary Institute of America, the school i plan on attending after i leave the service.  

I was a little worried about going to college as an almost 30 year old, but Jonathan was actually 38 years old when he graced its hallowed halls. 

This book randomly found me at a going out of business sale in Honolulu. God put this book in my path as a way of letting me know, "yo, i know you like being a stone cold intel machine, but you need to follow your passion and make it happen..." (and yes, he said "Yo". Dont judge.")

Im going to heed the call and blow that school away. I have a lot to learn as a chef, but i am not blind. I see what needs to be done to be on top and by God, im going to get there. Some people call it a gamble, i dont. i see it as an opportunity to further myself in something I love, which not many people get to do. 

So, for those of you that read this, disregard my last blog, im not giving this up. Im just focusing more on quality than quantity you know? 

I hope you do....

So stick around, cause youre about to see something great.....

~Sean

So....

Ive been slacking.....again.

I made a trip home a few weeks ago and fully intended to write some wonderful blog about the sushi from my old stomping grounds. Needless to say... 

things didnt go as planned. 

I think its for the better right now anyways. I feel immense pressure on my right now just to keep my head above water and make sure that i can handle myself as a human being before i can entertain anyone with my lovely writing. I'll never stop writing, be it on here or in my notebook or whatever. I just need to build a solid base of people that actually read the nonsense im putting out and take it for what its worth rather than just another post on Facebook to "like" so it shows some interest. *im not saying everyone does it, but there are a few*

Furthermore, i need some more me time. Mainly to tune this well oiled, writing machine into the literary juggernaut that i know i can be. 

So dont consider this a good bye....Consider it a "hey, ill brb. Ive got to go to the store and get some milk."

Mahalo ~Sean

You fall like flies when its your first time....

              Everyone remembers their first time. Excitement, fear and probably some liquid courage.
Mouth watering, beautiful yet at the same time, something so unknown that you're left wondering "Is this really safe?".  Just remember, we wont laugh if you gag and if it smells like fish, its probably bad.

Everyones first time eating sushi is a daunting experience (what were you thinking of? Pervert.) If you've never had it before your first thought is usually the California roll. Nothing raw, thats pretty safe right? Yes.. But extremely boring to your sushi chef. As a sushi master, i loved to be challenged with every customer i met. Now, that being said, do go out and order a bunch of things that you wont eat. Look on the menu.....okay, see where it says Eel? Dont run! Eel is a wonderful starter for most beginners. Its cooked, its sweet and its taste when done right i.e. served warm. Get a roll with Eel. Nom Nom Nom! Good right? Okay, next, shoot for shrimp. No, its not raw. A majority of places just fry whole shrimp. (We didnt, at Harbor Docks, which i think was the best way, but who listens to me? Im white) Anyways, get yourself a crunch shrimp roll. Mmmmm, tasty right? With rolls like that, you can pretty much drown the bastard in soy sauce and it will still be good. So go wild girl, its your party. When you start getting into bigger and better things then i might have to slap your hand away and tell you know. But just know i do it because i love you. This blog will be cut short because im hungry and ive got a better idea of something to write in the coming weeks, but i will close on this thought.
       Wasabi. If youre new, dont touch it. It wont kill you, but you need to know how to play with fire before you can fully use it.
      Everyone have a good night and Aloha from Hawaii


P.S.- Next week ill be coming to you live from a secret location!!! So secret that the very mention of its name would destroy the world as we know it. <3

Chiba-ken

                  Chiba-ken is nestled in between a small bubble tea bar and some other random shop. The restaurant itself is a testament to a modest japanese establishment. Nothing too flashy. A few plants surrounding the outside patio. A small sigh above the door is one of the only indications that it is in fact  Chiba-ken. Inside is a a mix of modern and traditional decoration, with bottles of sake lining the back wall like a very tantalizing advertisement.

                        When i first walked in this place. i had an instant sense of home. Ive been to many a sushi bar and havent felt this kind of excitement in a place since the first time i walked in to Harbor Docks (ill explain later). Greeted with a friendly “irasshaimase” which means “please come in.”  Like almost every mildly traditional place ive been to, they offer you green tea from the start and a hot towel. On our last visit they failed to do so,which was kind of a disappointment, but I can over look that. The menu is written in both English and Japanese, which i love. Along with the phonetic pronunciation of the Japanese words on the page.

My appetizer was going to be a spicy Himachi roll. Himachi is yellowtail by the way, also known as a Japanese Amberjack. (Yellowfin is a type of tuna, people get Yellowtail and Yellowfin mixed up constantly.) At first apperance, I was a little turned off by the way the inside of the roll looked. It tasted great, but looked strange. Perfect amount of spice, along with cucumbers, made it a very tasty roll.



After that, came the main course. Tuna and avocado roll along with Tuna and Octopus nigiri....

 Definitely the highlight of the night. I will always have an undying love for the tuna avocado roll. Two beautiful flavors, melding together to make something that can excite my taste buds in a way ive only imagined in my dreams.

  In addition to the heaven that was the Tuna avocado roll, my Tuna and Octo nigiri made a perfect ending to a culinary trip that was almost derailed be a strange looking roll. I do want to comment on how fresh all of this tasted. Ive rarely enjoyed tuna as much as i have from here. It tasted like it was cut directly from the fish, just out of the ocean. Im sure it wasnt directly pulled out, but thats also something to say about the quality of this place.



Other fun things from this night....

Shrimp Tempura

Oni-goroshi sake

Firecracker Roll

Good night. 

So, overall a fantastic experience at Chiba-ken. For me, it was a familiar reminder of why i enjoy sushi so much. For others, it will be a venture in a new territory. 

Delay

          Sorry for the delay, 

                          My original plan was to write a blog about the sushi on Kauai. Well, a lot of really...not so good things happened there. So, we will continue with the blogging and such tomorrow. Sushi from Oahu, a place called Chiba-ken. No endorsements, no bullshit, just my take on the place and my recommendation on what to get from a sushi chef. But, in lue of a blog, today i humbly offer a picture of me looking confused, and one of the only pictures of my tattoo that you'll see till its finished.

Quack

A new begining....again....

First and foremost...

Thank you...

If you were'nt reading this, well, id probably be off doing something far

less productive. Ive been needing a good creative outlet here, and i think ive found it.  

As a forewarning... 

Im bad about capitalization, punctuation and all other tion's related to the English language. 

You've been warned..... 

Bad idea in a bottle

 Ill explain my mission first. People have long had a great fear and misunderstanding about the mysterious world of sushi. And with the recent interest in the cuisine over the past 20 years, the fear has passed, but the misunderstanding remains. There are many keys to picking excellent fish to devour or finding that perfect roll to destroy while you drink sake and get as loud as you possibly can. Either way, its good to know the ins and outs of a "decent" sushi establishment, as to not offend the possible (but highly unlikely) Japanese sushi chef.

-First, above all else, you need to feel comfortable with what youre eating. Countless nights i have seen some dude come in, trying to impress his date, and order some of the most obscure (and most expensive) fish, only to take a few bites and leave the rest to sit out, staring me in the face. Dont worry, you'll get laid tonight, just dont ruin what i consider an art.

If youre most comfortable with eating a california or a cowboy roll, the do it man! Just do it like a Boss and she'll be more than impressed. 

^ Merican Sushi Chef
Does not understand
Japanese...

-Second, Dont order in Japanese unless you're in Japan. Yes, sometimes its cool to speak another language in an attempt to really feel like youre fitting in to your surroundings, but, as i said earlier, most sushi chefs in America arent Japanese. (Vice like, California or Hawaii.) Now, that being said, if you know your chef is from Japan and you're mildly fluent in Japanese then it could be alright. I know my boss, Yoshie, used to love speaking Japanese to customers. She tried teaching me but i have lazy ears and plus, im still working on mastering the English language myself ('Merica!)

-Finally, you live in America (or one of its many territories..), not Japan. The same rules in etiquette dont apply here. If you want to drown your one piece of a Destin roll (tuna, avocado, green onions and spicy mayo for those of us in NW FL...) then by all means, do so. Im not eating it, you are. We all take pride in what we do, so we try and send out the best product possible. But after it leave my bar top and heads to your mouth, well its all you baby. Do what you want. Just do you....

Now to the brass tacks of this whole thing. Im going to take you on a little spin around my world and share my sushi experiences. If you agree or disagree with anything im saying, by all means let me know. Ill probably disregard it anyways, but everyone is entitled to an opinion here. 

And now, ill leave you with something nice to look at....

Just myself.

"Delay does not react well with reactivity."


    First of all. Sorry for my absence. The path ive chosen leaves me little time to write to you, so ill make the most of it. For the last few months, ive been out doing things ive never thought id do, Going places id only imagined and learning thing that will flood my heart with a better understanding of the world itself. I wont preach of american globalization or anything of that nature. Its not my place, nor shall it ever be. Those conversations are best left for a good bottle of wine and even better company. What i will say is that we, as a nation, have a fantastic lifestyle. We spent a lot of time in Bahrain in my travels to the middle east. For those of you that dont know, its a small island nation off the coast of Saudi Arabia and a stones throw from Iraq and Iran. The people tolerate us out of necessity, and for that ill be forever grateful. Its a very interesting change of pace there. Things are slower, time is taken, so for us it would seem as if they are lazy or something like that. One thing i found particularly interesting is they're protection of religion. Taking pictures of almost everything is forbidden, especially the mosques. Personally, i wanted to see an actual mosque in the middle east, but never had the opportunity. (hopefully next time.) Seeing as how a majority of my work is in the Middle East, i was more than overjoyed to be head to Asia next. The beautiful city of Hong Kong had much more to offer than i expected. To be honest, id almost put it up there as one of my favorite places to visit....almost. I indulged my little fat asian kid inside and ate as much Ramen as possible. Plus a number of other things that im sure id never eaten before. Aside from food, the one thing i really took from HK was my visit to a small buddhist temple inside the city. I popped a squat on a bench in front of it and watched people stop by, breaking from their daily routines to pray to buddha. In a way, i was almost jealous. i barely find the time to shave in the morning. The next stop i willfully omit from this post. Guam is its own beast in itself and we will just leave it at that. Back to Hawaii....
Words cant accurately describe the feeling you get the first time you pull into homeport, weary from months at sea, to see hundreds of people cheering your return. Those last few minutes, everyone pushes out as much work as they can to make liberty call come faster. You feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, just from pulling into port. You'd figure one would feel a sense of relief from getting back. Ive found it more of a distraction from my troubled mind. As usual, ive got someone on my mind, and as usual its the same person. Caught playing a cat and mouse game with myself, paralyzed by the same old antics, its a small relief to be able to concentrate on something else than her. distance is a real bitch sometimes. Ill turn my head and cover my eyes as fire engulfs the sky, but ill be fine. Im always fine.

Id still catch a grenade for you...

I try to rationalize whats really going on

Was this fate?

What am I being told here?

Just mere weeks before i set on out on my great adventure,

and an obstacle has been placed in front of me.

Dont get me wrong, 

Its not something I want to avoid.

Its something very exciting.

And its a total secret...

But just as a little insight....

This girl totally blows me away....

The Future is Bulletproof....

Last night I had a dream.....

I was back on base with some of my shipmates, we'd just come back from a bar on Corry, when we

were stopped by three men in a SUV. 

They look like your usual type of hostage taking criminal....

Black ski masks

MP5's (its a submachine gun)

and just a general pissed of attitude.

As we are getting tossed into this SUV, one of my friends decided to play hero

and wrestled one of the baddies. Seeing him struggling with this hard dog, i felt

compeled to help my friend. As I go in to do what i assume was some

kick ass finishing type move..

*Bang*

And I fall to the ground. 

Id heard dying in a dream was supposed to be a scary thing..

but it really wasnt. 

That being said. It made me, along with a conversation I had yesterday, think about the direction my life was going in and if Ive in fact accomplished anything at all. 

For 24ish, Ive learned a skill most white people only dream to learn. Loved, lost and seen

someone else take my place. Ive been overseas and kick myself in the ass and joined the military.

I feel like I've done a lot. But im not fulfilled. I always want more. I want a little me eventually, a wifey and atleast a house and a dog. (no white picket fence though)

Dead would be robbing me of my great journey in life.

And im not about to let that happen. Not yet at least.

Usher needs to write a song about me

My last few minutes of self loathing.

            Ill admit it, I was scared. Id been burned too many times before. My defenses were up. Even if I was comfortable with you, I wasnt ready to let them down till I knew you wouldn't leave. I let my inadequacies take hold. I had to sit back and watch as you slipped away from me. Through boyfriends and random hook ups. I put on my best "I dont care" face. But I really did, i really really did. I just took it, it was like my own personal hell. But some good did come out of it. I got to know someone who ill always love, and im fairly certain ill never make the same mistakes again. If I ever meet someone like you, i wont let them go.