Id still catch a grenade for you...

I try to rationalize whats really going on

Was this fate?

What am I being told here?

Just mere weeks before i set on out on my great adventure,

and an obstacle has been placed in front of me.

Dont get me wrong, 

Its not something I want to avoid.

Its something very exciting.

And its a total secret...

But just as a little insight....

This girl totally blows me away....

The Future is Bulletproof....

Last night I had a dream.....

I was back on base with some of my shipmates, we'd just come back from a bar on Corry, when we

were stopped by three men in a SUV. 

They look like your usual type of hostage taking criminal....

Black ski masks

MP5's (its a submachine gun)

and just a general pissed of attitude.

As we are getting tossed into this SUV, one of my friends decided to play hero

and wrestled one of the baddies. Seeing him struggling with this hard dog, i felt

compeled to help my friend. As I go in to do what i assume was some

kick ass finishing type move..

*Bang*

And I fall to the ground. 

Id heard dying in a dream was supposed to be a scary thing..

but it really wasnt. 

That being said. It made me, along with a conversation I had yesterday, think about the direction my life was going in and if Ive in fact accomplished anything at all. 

For 24ish, Ive learned a skill most white people only dream to learn. Loved, lost and seen

someone else take my place. Ive been overseas and kick myself in the ass and joined the military.

I feel like I've done a lot. But im not fulfilled. I always want more. I want a little me eventually, a wifey and atleast a house and a dog. (no white picket fence though)

Dead would be robbing me of my great journey in life.

And im not about to let that happen. Not yet at least.

Usher needs to write a song about me

My last few minutes of self loathing.

            Ill admit it, I was scared. Id been burned too many times before. My defenses were up. Even if I was comfortable with you, I wasnt ready to let them down till I knew you wouldn't leave. I let my inadequacies take hold. I had to sit back and watch as you slipped away from me. Through boyfriends and random hook ups. I put on my best "I dont care" face. But I really did, i really really did. I just took it, it was like my own personal hell. But some good did come out of it. I got to know someone who ill always love, and im fairly certain ill never make the same mistakes again. If I ever meet someone like you, i wont let them go.

You can roll your eyes at this....

Im not sure why I added that picture, i just like it.....

Anyways.

Ive got a simple message tonight, inspired by slight facebook stalking on my part. 

Dont be a sheep...

The absence of proof isnt the absence of reality. Miracles happen everyday. Peoples lives change everyday because of faith. But that doesnt mean they dont believe in science.

Keep that in mind when you spend the rest of your life trying to figure it out. 

You're going to do it without me. 

Merry Christmas

Bittersweet something....

Life isnt exactly what we want it to be sometimes...

The winter is probably one of my least favorite times of the year. I hate cold weather. And I feel like I get the loneliest when the thermostat gets low. The last two years in a row i havent had the best time during the holidays. One was a pretty harsh break up and the other was a drunk night of drama. Both didnt equal all the much fun. This year thats going to change. Im probably going to New Orleans and will most likely have a grand ol' time. 

New Orleans is my happy place. I did a blog a while back (that i never finished by the way) that stated this. My last trip wasnt exactly the best one, so its time to go back to the roots and venture out there, like a cowboy into the Wild West, and reclaim that sense of pride when I return to the Crescent City. With this New Year is going to come some new goals. 

1. Shed the things in my old life that held me back- This includes people, things and activities i used to partake in. 

And...

2. Do work- Aside from the fact that im forced to do work anyways, im going to go out there and kick as much ass at my job as i can. Im not settling for less anymore. 

Big goals, but not out of the realm of possibility. 

Anyways, I could ramble all night about random things but ill just leave it at this....

If any of you need me, ill be there...

seriously.

<3 Burch

I wanna do it again, again, now count backwards from 10

  Blog time!
Ill skip the oversided font with something meaningful today. Im just not feeling it. So today i passed my comp exam. That test has been bogging my mind down for a while now. Its a great lift off of my shoulders. I had a small devil on my shoulder telling me that it was okay to fail, I could always be an IT. No, I cant be an IT. Im tired of settling for second best and not taking what is mine. Ive done it for too long.

    Before i went to Japan last year I started watching a video blog on Youtube. This guy who goes by BLKUNK. He gave his perspective of his life in Japan and the struggle of a white boy in a asian mans world. And since it was more interested in what fun things to do in Japan i kind of blew it off. Recently I was on Youtube and started watching his videos again. His struggle is similar to mine....sort of. I know what i want to do in life. I just dont know if i have the strength to get there. Being me isnt easy. I feel a constant need to cause a little chaos in my life regardless of wether i do it with or without me actually knowing. And its terrible because I feel like im losing one of my best friends. It can be a lot to handle sometimes.

       On a brighter note im feeling a sudden spark of inspiration from my latest trip to New Orleans and my test being over. My mind isnt clouded by ELINT at the moment so i feel more open to studying my japanese book. Or just catching up on reading in general. I love reading. You know, i never used to enjoy reading. It wasnt until I got older did I want to read. Its weird how life works like that. I find it more of an escape than playing videogames or watching movies used to be. I suppose this means im growing up, but i'd rather not tackle that beast yet.

        Enough rambling for one night. Hopefully you'll hear from me soon. For now, just let this burn and we can see where it goes from there

When will you say yes to me.....

"Wake up, im only asking the obvious"




        Do you ever sit and wonder about what could have been?....

                                   Of course you do....


    Id be a liar if I said I didn't. What if I'd never left for the Navy. What if I'd grown a pair and tried to hold on to someone I knew I was losing. Ive been kind of focused on this stuff all weekend for some reason. Would I be collecting a fat BP claim like some of my friends? Probably...but would i feel as fulfilled as I do in my life right now?...Doubtful. I'd been blind to everything that I didnt want to believe for a really long time, and i think it stunted my growth as a person. Im less prone to bullshit now, more likely to speak my mind (when necessary, of course) and, for some reason or another, a little more protective of myself. All of which are good things, but it just makes me wonder.

      So ive been thinking of writing a story. A grand story about my different encounters, love interests and shenanigans. But loosely based of course. Add a little here, scratch a little there. Im not going for the most exciting story. Im just painting of reality and calling it something else. Anyways, I think it will be good. Im still trying to thing of a name....All ive thought of so far is My 13 deadly excuses.   Why 13? i dont know, just sounded like a good number. But all of this being said. Forgive spelling errors, bad grammar and whatever off the wall things that happen in association. No real names will be used (maybe)....and it wont go in any particular order. It'll be interesting, that i can promise.

Have a good night <3