Sunday, July 3, 2011

Just myself.

"Delay does not react well with reactivity."


    First of all. Sorry for my absence. The path ive chosen leaves me little time to write to you, so ill make the most of it. For the last few months, ive been out doing things ive never thought id do, Going places id only imagined and learning thing that will flood my heart with a better understanding of the world itself. I wont preach of american globalization or anything of that nature. Its not my place, nor shall it ever be. Those conversations are best left for a good bottle of wine and even better company. What i will say is that we, as a nation, have a fantastic lifestyle. We spent a lot of time in Bahrain in my travels to the middle east. For those of you that dont know, its a small island nation off the coast of Saudi Arabia and a stones throw from Iraq and Iran. The people tolerate us out of necessity, and for that ill be forever grateful. Its a very interesting change of pace there. Things are slower, time is taken, so for us it would seem as if they are lazy or something like that. One thing i found particularly interesting is they're protection of religion. Taking pictures of almost everything is forbidden, especially the mosques. Personally, i wanted to see an actual mosque in the middle east, but never had the opportunity. (hopefully next time.) Seeing as how a majority of my work is in the Middle East, i was more than overjoyed to be head to Asia next. The beautiful city of Hong Kong had much more to offer than i expected. To be honest, id almost put it up there as one of my favorite places to visit....almost. I indulged my little fat asian kid inside and ate as much Ramen as possible. Plus a number of other things that im sure id never eaten before. Aside from food, the one thing i really took from HK was my visit to a small buddhist temple inside the city. I popped a squat on a bench in front of it and watched people stop by, breaking from their daily routines to pray to buddha. In a way, i was almost jealous. i barely find the time to shave in the morning. The next stop i willfully omit from this post. Guam is its own beast in itself and we will just leave it at that. Back to Hawaii....
Words cant accurately describe the feeling you get the first time you pull into homeport, weary from months at sea, to see hundreds of people cheering your return. Those last few minutes, everyone pushes out as much work as they can to make liberty call come faster. You feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, just from pulling into port. You'd figure one would feel a sense of relief from getting back. Ive found it more of a distraction from my troubled mind. As usual, ive got someone on my mind, and as usual its the same person. Caught playing a cat and mouse game with myself, paralyzed by the same old antics, its a small relief to be able to concentrate on something else than her. distance is a real bitch sometimes. Ill turn my head and cover my eyes as fire engulfs the sky, but ill be fine. Im always fine.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Id still catch a grenade for you...

I try to rationalize whats really going on
Was this fate?
What am I being told here?
Just mere weeks before i set on out on my great adventure,
and an obstacle has been placed in front of me.
Dont get me wrong, 
Its not something I want to avoid.
Its something very exciting.
And its a total secret...

But just as a little insight....
This girl totally blows me away....

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Future is Bulletproof....

Last night I had a dream.....
I was back on base with some of my shipmates, we'd just come back from a bar on Corry, when we
were stopped by three men in a SUV. 
They look like your usual type of hostage taking criminal....
Black ski masks
MP5's (its a submachine gun)
and just a general pissed of attitude.
As we are getting tossed into this SUV, one of my friends decided to play hero
and wrestled one of the baddies. Seeing him struggling with this hard dog, i felt
compeled to help my friend. As I go in to do what i assume was some
kick ass finishing type move..
*Bang*
And I fall to the ground. 
Id heard dying in a dream was supposed to be a scary thing..
but it really wasnt. 

That being said. It made me, along with a conversation I had yesterday, think about the direction my life was going in and if Ive in fact accomplished anything at all. 
For 24ish, Ive learned a skill most white people only dream to learn. Loved, lost and seen
someone else take my place. Ive been overseas and kick myself in the ass and joined the military.

I feel like I've done a lot. But im not fulfilled. I always want more. I want a little me eventually, a wifey and atleast a house and a dog. (no white picket fence though)
Dead would be robbing me of my great journey in life.
And im not about to let that happen. Not yet at least.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Usher needs to write a song about me

My last few minutes of self loathing.

            Ill admit it, I was scared. Id been burned too many times before. My defenses were up. Even if I was comfortable with you, I wasnt ready to let them down till I knew you wouldn't leave. I let my inadequacies take hold. I had to sit back and watch as you slipped away from me. Through boyfriends and random hook ups. I put on my best "I dont care" face. But I really did, i really really did. I just took it, it was like my own personal hell. But some good did come out of it. I got to know someone who ill always love, and im fairly certain ill never make the same mistakes again. If I ever meet someone like you, i wont let them go.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

You can roll your eyes at this....

Im not sure why I added that picture, i just like it.....


Anyways.
Ive got a simple message tonight, inspired by slight facebook stalking on my part. 

Dont be a sheep...
The absence of proof isnt the absence of reality. Miracles happen everyday. Peoples lives change everyday because of faith. But that doesnt mean they dont believe in science.
Keep that in mind when you spend the rest of your life trying to figure it out. 
You're going to do it without me. 

Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bittersweet something....

Life isnt exactly what we want it to be sometimes...

The winter is probably one of my least favorite times of the year. I hate cold weather. And I feel like I get the loneliest when the thermostat gets low. The last two years in a row i havent had the best time during the holidays. One was a pretty harsh break up and the other was a drunk night of drama. Both didnt equal all the much fun. This year thats going to change. Im probably going to New Orleans and will most likely have a grand ol' time. 
New Orleans is my happy place. I did a blog a while back (that i never finished by the way) that stated this. My last trip wasnt exactly the best one, so its time to go back to the roots and venture out there, like a cowboy into the Wild West, and reclaim that sense of pride when I return to the Crescent City. With this New Year is going to come some new goals. 
1. Shed the things in my old life that held me back- This includes people, things and activities i used to partake in. 
And...
2. Do work- Aside from the fact that im forced to do work anyways, im going to go out there and kick as much ass at my job as i can. Im not settling for less anymore. 
Big goals, but not out of the realm of possibility. 
Anyways, I could ramble all night about random things but ill just leave it at this....
If any of you need me, ill be there...
seriously.
<3 Burch

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I wanna do it again, again, now count backwards from 10

  Blog time!
Ill skip the oversided font with something meaningful today. Im just not feeling it. So today i passed my comp exam. That test has been bogging my mind down for a while now. Its a great lift off of my shoulders. I had a small devil on my shoulder telling me that it was okay to fail, I could always be an IT. No, I cant be an IT. Im tired of settling for second best and not taking what is mine. Ive done it for too long.

    Before i went to Japan last year I started watching a video blog on Youtube. This guy who goes by BLKUNK. He gave his perspective of his life in Japan and the struggle of a white boy in a asian mans world. And since it was more interested in what fun things to do in Japan i kind of blew it off. Recently I was on Youtube and started watching his videos again. His struggle is similar to mine....sort of. I know what i want to do in life. I just dont know if i have the strength to get there. Being me isnt easy. I feel a constant need to cause a little chaos in my life regardless of wether i do it with or without me actually knowing. And its terrible because I feel like im losing one of my best friends. It can be a lot to handle sometimes.

       On a brighter note im feeling a sudden spark of inspiration from my latest trip to New Orleans and my test being over. My mind isnt clouded by ELINT at the moment so i feel more open to studying my japanese book. Or just catching up on reading in general. I love reading. You know, i never used to enjoy reading. It wasnt until I got older did I want to read. Its weird how life works like that. I find it more of an escape than playing videogames or watching movies used to be. I suppose this means im growing up, but i'd rather not tackle that beast yet.

        Enough rambling for one night. Hopefully you'll hear from me soon. For now, just let this burn and we can see where it goes from there