Generic blog title

Attempt 2 at this.....
and to jump right into it...
Someone last night said i was a smooth talker and a man whore.
Man whore? definitely not
Smooth talker? okay, guilty.
But it really got me wondering about how some women really see me.
On occasion i can be good with words. For the most part i dont really let many women see that side of me. Aside from my usual poor choice in women, i also really have a problem letting women in. One to many bad experiences has soured the whole thing for me. Atleast in the short term. Im just lost in a sea of work and the future. I feel like a little ship, in a giant ocean. Either waiting for the harbor to appear or to be swallowed up by a huge wave. The relationships i build along become life preservers. Sometimes they fall off the ship but the best ones have been on the side of my little ship forever. (sorry for the ship reference)
Next, if my neck doesnt quit hurting i might have to kill a bitch or two. Its making me irritated on a regular basis and i dont approve.
Ive got much more on my mind but i cant really write more about it right now.

Coming to water, stuck still, no turning back...

I love having those days when you really feel like youve done something. 

Today I : 

Went to the store,

got stuff to clean with,

groceries,

a game or two,

watched a replay of the AC Milan game

and wrote this. 

Compared to Saturday, Sunday has been a big change of pace. I usually waste away my weekends in hopes that i can regain some sanity lost during the week. This weekend accomplished that. Assuming we get a weekend off this coming weekend, ill probably try and do something similar. 

A friend of mine asked me a long time ago if id ever want to start my own sushi place. 

99% of the time i would say no.

Well, thinking it over today,

It might be in my future. 

Id always told myself that i could work for Yoshie forever and be completely contempt with it. 

But, like all good things, i know that wont last. Yo wont live forever. (as much as i hate to admit it)

And I wont want to work for harbor docks all of my life. I wouldnt do it alone obviously, but its not out of the realm of possibility. Ive been sketching up some looks i want the restaurant to have and trying to come up with a name. That would be a good goal to keep me motivated in my daily journey towards the promise land.

I have this picture of my family right behind my computer, its always been a nice reminder of home. Because i definitely miss it as much as it misses me. 

Writing this blog has made me realize how much i really love to write. Mostly about myself mind you, but i love the fact that i can share my thoughts and or feelings about whatever subject without having to be in front of each and everyone of you. Dont get me wrong, id love to talk to everyone individually, but for my friends in Cali, Florida, Ohio, Michigan, New York, Alaska, Washington St and DC, Alabama, Mississippi, Texas and pretty much all the other states, along with Europe, Asia and the Middle East, This makes it much much easier. 

Plus, i live a pretty interesting life. Full of twists, turns and speed bumps. And i wouldnt have it any other way. 

Also, incase your reading this, I will call you tomorrow Melissa, time got away from me today. Im not avoiding you, i promise. 

I'll keep from getting all preachy. Today isnt the day for that. Everyone have a great week and stay tuned. Theres much more to come... 

Drop the The....

This entire blog will be in italics. 
     Dont ask why, just accept it




Anyways, its been a long few weeks. The holidays have come and gone, and im pretty sure im returning to sanity. My trip home was definitely a well deserved one. And being home yielded more of a return than expected. I got to see my best friend, met many great people and spent more time with my wonderful family. I also damaged a few friendships, froze my ass off and did many stupid things, but that was to be expected. It also helped me focus on my short/long term goals in life. I'm still back on track to go to culinary school and i feel like i have that drive to do great things again. For the longest time my drive for success was fueled as revenge against an ex girlfriend who didnt think i was worth anything. Like Sean Parker or Mark Zuckerburg, their success came from this. I felt like it would pull me through the tough times, but i came to an impass. What happens when i get there? When i do make it? Its consumed alot of my thoughts the past few weeks. 
But alas....there is hope. 


Ive decided (one of the many decisions ive made while writing these things) that revenge on "she who has no name" wouldnt be worth it. What will it do? Just make me a shallow individual. And thats not me. 
I do want greatness though...
And I will have it...(see how i capitalized the "I", fucking business time)

And here...we....go...

"What the hell is going on?...."


                 Thats about the best way I can describe how im feeling right now. Just lost, plain and simple. Its not plain, or simple for that matter, but thats what it is. A sweeping feeling of being lost. But outside of the scope of my work life. I think its just that time of year. Im always stressed around Christmas time. This year is no exception. Going into debt is not my ideal christmas situation. Im back in the green again (so to speak) but its hard for me not to spend my money anyways. I felt like i was being dragged through the mud by life. Ive experienced that feeling a few times in my life and I can say its not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Speaking of that, i decided to text one of my exs today just to see how things were/what she was doing for the holidays. Bad idea, i was brought back to that not so pleasant time of my life. I dont really talk much about it because i try to forget it sometimes. Id been beaten and degraded out in BR and worked my ass off to never have it happen again. Enough of that rant though. Ive learned my lesson (no, i didnt) and ill steer clear of that. a week from today i go home. I have so many people to see and not enough time im afraid. Its a shame but i know who i "need" to see.
Its a Radiohead day. im enjoying this

She's got nasty blisters from the money she spends...

Im picky.....
with just about everything. Mainly dating though. My choice of woman is one in a million. Smart, but not too smart. Funny, but in a corny sort of way. Beautiful, but humble. Take cares of herself, but still likes a cheeseburger or two. Someone who is aware of the world around her and the world in which she lives. Someone who is always wanting to learn and not willing to accept the norm. And id like her for Christmas....thank you.....


Anyways, like usual, ive been back and forth about writing as of late. I have alot to say, but sometimes i feel overwhelmed by the possibility of bringing up these thoughts and feelings and sharing them with the world. Id planned on deleting my Facebook and any other social media medium i had in an attempt to "be one with myself". Cause after all, how can you express your feelings if youre not completely comfortable with them? AMIRITE???(lol, internet jokes)
But then i thought......those pure, raw emotions can make the most interesting stories, and hopefully provide some entertainment for you.
For instance, my grandfather passing away.
Naturally i was sad, i even cried. But it felt like something larger than the death of a family member. It was a reminder that, "hey, youre alive dude." Not in a "oh im alive, hes not." sort of thing. Ive felt so disconnected from reality that i wasnt really feeling anything. And that day, I came back. despite it being a horrible feeling, i felt something. Things are slowly coming into perspective. And that is the most rewarding feeling ive had in a while.
So, im curious how everyone else is doing? let me know here or on Facebook. lets communicate

I can paint a picture with a pen....

My intention on my fabled "trip home" was to show the readers at home a picture of the slice of sushi heaven i used to be part of. Pictures of my work, the area and a small picture of my life before the Navy....

 

In reality, it didnt go quite as planned....

Imagine it like that scene in Snatch where Benico del Toro is gambling away all his money with the Viva Los Vegas music in the background. Thats what it was like

Just a blur. 

Now, i did actually retain somethings from that trip. I was given the privilege to roll sushi again at my old stomping grounds. 

Harbor Docks is a small restaurant with a big reputation.

Situated on the Destin Harbor, its grown from a tiny little seafood shack, to a full blow seafood/Japanese restaurant. At Harbor Docks, is where i learned the magical trade of the sushi chef. Harbor Docks is home to the legend herself, Yoshie. 

Yo taught me everything i know about sushi. she also helped to mold me into the strapping young lad that i am today. She knew when to give me instruction and when to let me try on my own. 

She knew when to scold me when i did something wrong and when to let me do what i want.

I owe her for my interest in japanese cuisine and my better understanding of the japanese culture....(and of broken english haha)

I was able to put this bad boy together in my sushi time back home. 

Ive been spoiled at Harbor Docks.

Amazing fish..

Insane coworkers...

and a solid customer base that would

constantly keep my on my toes and my wallet filled to the brim. 

Its where my heart is....

and they always say "home is where the heart is...."

And now for something completely different....

Ive been reading a book titled "Beaten, Seared, and Sauced" by Jonathan Dixon. Its about one mans journey through the Culinary Institute of America, the school i plan on attending after i leave the service.  

I was a little worried about going to college as an almost 30 year old, but Jonathan was actually 38 years old when he graced its hallowed halls. 

This book randomly found me at a going out of business sale in Honolulu. God put this book in my path as a way of letting me know, "yo, i know you like being a stone cold intel machine, but you need to follow your passion and make it happen..." (and yes, he said "Yo". Dont judge.")

Im going to heed the call and blow that school away. I have a lot to learn as a chef, but i am not blind. I see what needs to be done to be on top and by God, im going to get there. Some people call it a gamble, i dont. i see it as an opportunity to further myself in something I love, which not many people get to do. 

So, for those of you that read this, disregard my last blog, im not giving this up. Im just focusing more on quality than quantity you know? 

I hope you do....

So stick around, cause youre about to see something great.....

~Sean

So....

Ive been slacking.....again.

I made a trip home a few weeks ago and fully intended to write some wonderful blog about the sushi from my old stomping grounds. Needless to say... 

things didnt go as planned. 

I think its for the better right now anyways. I feel immense pressure on my right now just to keep my head above water and make sure that i can handle myself as a human being before i can entertain anyone with my lovely writing. I'll never stop writing, be it on here or in my notebook or whatever. I just need to build a solid base of people that actually read the nonsense im putting out and take it for what its worth rather than just another post on Facebook to "like" so it shows some interest. *im not saying everyone does it, but there are a few*

Furthermore, i need some more me time. Mainly to tune this well oiled, writing machine into the literary juggernaut that i know i can be. 

So dont consider this a good bye....Consider it a "hey, ill brb. Ive got to go to the store and get some milk."

Mahalo ~Sean